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DEAR ABBY: I met “Bobbie” when we were in college in the early 1970s. We fell in love, got married and stayed together for seven years. Things changed; our divorce was amicable. We went on to successful professional lives and happy second marriages. We stayed in touch over the years, mostly through holiday cards. A few years ago, I started getting emails from Bobbie about things and ideas we shared together. She lost her husband earlier this year, and I lost my wife about the same time. I stopped by to see her last summer during a visit with some other friends, and we had a nice visit over brunch. She looked good. Would I be crazy to see if I could rekindle our relationship after 50 years? She lives a long way away now, but I’ve thought several times about moving back to the area where I grew up. It’s clear we still share the ideals of our youth, and I’ll admit I’ve always had a soft spot for her. I don’t have much to offer these days, but I get kind of lonely. -- LOOKING BACK IN WYOMING DEAR LOOKING BACK: I don’t think it would be crazy at all to explore rekindling your relationship with her, but please take your time. If you want to move back to the area where you grew up, keep that issue separate from the romance. It would be unfortunate if you relocated, things didn’t work out as you hoped, you had given up all of your social contacts and you had to start completely over solo. ** DEAR ABBY: My son married my daughter’s best friend, “Kayla.” I have loved this young lady since she was a little girl. When Kayla became part of the family, I was overjoyed. Kayla and my son now have had a baby, and I am not allowed to see the child. The only people who get to see the baby are Kayla’s mother and her mother’s family. Kayla’s parents are divorced, so her father doesn’t see his grandchild often either, but it’s far more often than my husband and I do. I wrote a text to my son. It wasn’t a nice one, but please remember I haven’t been able to see my grandchild.
Read moreDEAR ABBY: I am 67, and my husband is 68. For the past six years, we have been caring for aging parents. My father-in-law, who had Alzheimer’s, passed away a few years ago. We went through a lot with him as his illness progressed. My mother-in-law is 87 and does not want to go into a nursing home. She still lives by herself, but my sister-in-law and I take turns cooking and bringing her food, and my husband works his tail off cutting the grass and doing maintenance and repairs she can no longer do. Although we are retired, our lives revolve around her needs.
Read moreDEAR ABBY: My husband and I (both male) have been together for 28 years. The last few years have been less than romantic, but we remain close and in love (or so I thought).
Read moreHaving previously presented considerable and substantial evidence suggesting that the existence of God is more likely than not, it could be further said that if a person believes they have encountered God through some particular experience, then, all things considered, they should suppose that they have indeed encountered God. Such is the underlying premise that gives structure to what are known as arguments for the existence of God from religious experience. The argument itself is based on the existence of God being the best explanation for various phenomena collectively termed “religious experience.” Religious experiences are personal encounters with God that often occur through events such as terminal lucidity and Near-Death Experiences, both of which have been extensively discussed in past articles, along with other phenomena perceived in and through miraculous healings, dreams, visions, a sense of divine presence, and overwhelming awe. Physiologically, many religious experiences are sensory experiences perceived through the five senses, which are generally considered quite reliable. Therefore, it is not unreasonable to maintain that because sensory experiences are considered excellent grounds for beliefs about the physical world, religious experiences are valid grounds for religious beliefs. Even so, the big question is this: “Can these experiences be true, or are they made-up tales of experiences that never happened?” After all, some claims seem absurd, while others border on theatrical. Philosopher Richard Swinburne can be of help here, pointing out two guiding principles when evaluating claims of religious experience. First, the principle of credulity holds that unless there is good evidence to the contrary, if a person claims a particular experience, then we should believe that they did experience what they claimed. Or, as already stated, “If I believe I have encountered God through some particular experience, then, all things considered, I should suppose that I have indeed encountered God.” Swinburne’s second principle in determining the truthfulness of a religious experience claim is the principle of testimony, which holds that testimony is generally reliable. That is, people typically do not give false testimony, nor are they often deceived by what they experienced. At any rate, that does not ensure that all religious experience claims are truthful. In fact, I am quite certain that some, if not many, religious experience claims are pure fabrications. After all, the eighteenth-century skeptic David Hume once said, “It is nothing strange that men should lie in all ages.” While I do not believe that is the general rule, I agree with Hume regarding a minority of cases. While Swinburne’s two principles may seem somewhat weak and optimistic, they do not stand alone.
Read more…And Then What Happened?
Read moreDEAR ABBY: I have been married 50 years and recently remembered that my husband cheated on me with several different women. He admitted to one affair but swears he saw her only twice and they had sex only once. He says I’m imagining the other two. He hasn’t apologized for the one he admitted to and refuses to discuss it or the other two, though I can see them in my mind’s eye and feel it in my gut. At this point, I’m more angry about his lying than I am about something that happened decades ago. Am I wrong to want the truth so I can get angry, deal with it and then forgive him? I also want a heartfelt apology. -- HEARTSICK IN TEXAS DEAR HEARTSICK: You do not need “the truth” so you can get angry. You are ALREADY as mad as heck. What you want is an apology from your cheating husband, and you aren’t going to get it. Discussing this with a licensed marriage and family therapist may help you dissipate some of your anger and move on. ** DEAR ABBY: Two of my mom’s best friends ended their friendship with her after almost 50 years because of political differences. I grew up spending every holiday with these ladies and their families, in addition to summer lake and winter ski vacations and everything in between. One of them is my godmother, and they both were like second moms to me. Can it be that simple to act as if they were never friends in the first place? Must Mom just accept the change, or can she try to repair the friendships? SAD SON IN CALIFORNIA DEAR SON: When political differences run so deep that close friendships are destroyed, I am sorry to say they are often not salvageable. I am not sure that time can heal the rift when someone is so entrenched in their political beliefs that they would jettison a 50-year friendship. Suggest to your mom that rather than look backward, she may try to cultivate friends who are less contentious. ** DEAR ABBY: I am a 75-year-old therapist who was virtually a single parent. I still struggle with the guilt that I didn’t do a good enough job with my three grown children, despite my trying with what energy and resources I continue to have. Their father has been pretty much absent since our divorce 35 years ago. How can I get rid of the feeling that I am disrespected by my ungrateful adult children, and how do I stop trying to compensate them for their missing parent? There is minimal chance that they will change their attitude or beliefs at this point. -- STRUGGLING IN NEW JERSEY DEAR STRUGGLING: Thank you for asking. By now you must have realized that you can’t buy love. As a psychotherapist, surely you are aware that therapists have therapists of their own (and many need this support). Because you are in pain over something you can’t change by yourself, recognize that it’s time to become proactive on your own behalf and consult one.
Read moreDEAR ABBY: Last year, after several years overseas, my husband and I returned stateside and moved to my hometown. It has been a lonely transition. One of my friends from school, “Skip,” has helped, but more and more, he dominates social situations by framing what people first learn about me and my husband. It is usually unflattering or one-dimensional, or he’ll include me in a onetime event story but make it sound like it was my whole life, which it isn’t.
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