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When questioned by a dying patient about his religious beliefs, physician Francia Collins stammered out the words “I’m not sure.” Collins, who in the moment was unable to provide a coherent response, said that the exchange with his patient “haunted” him for several days. “I was confident,” Collins recalled, “that a full investigation of the rational basis for faith would deny the merits of belief, and affirm my atheism.” With that goal in mind, he set out to indirectly prove atheism true by disproving God. In the end, the exact opposite happened. Francis Collins eventually converted to Christianity because of the rational basis for the faith, along with an indescribable impression left by an overwhelming religious experience. Very well and good for his conversion, certainly! However, my interest here lies in his initial defensive attempt to “reaffirm” his atheism. Claims of truth are either positive claims or they are negative claims. A negative assertion of a truth claim is quite interesting and is based upon the adage: “You can’t prove something doesn’t exist just because you haven’t found it.” Now, since atheism makes the negative claim that God does not exist, and since the burden of proof falls on the person making the claim, the atheist must prove the negative claim that atheism is true and that God indeed does not exist. The premise of atheism is quite interesting because it is not a belief in something, but rather a belief in that something’s polar opposite: disbelief. In the case of atheism, it is the belief that there is nothing rather than something, namely God. Since there are only two options—either belief in God, or belief in nothing, then atheism is, in fact, belief in nothing, or rather a belief in something that does not exist, which is impossible. For example, if I wanted to prove the existence of horses, all that is required is for me to observe the existence of one horse and have that evidence corroborated by other witnesses.
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DEAR ABBY: My husband is very temperamental. When something goes wrong with his meal or service at a restaurant, or when he’s driving and gets upset with another driver, he angrily vents to me nonstop, repeating the same things over and over. This happens only when we’re alone, not when friends or family members are present. When I ask him to please stop because it’s upsetting or stressful (or giving me indigestion if we are having a meal), he blames me and says I “have to” let him vent and say nothing, not even ask him to please stop so I can enjoy my food. We argue often about this. I have tried talking to him about it when he wasn’t upset. His response is always the same: I need to deal with it. If I try to reason with him, he justifies and excuses his behavior and puts the blame back on me. I want to run away from this marriage because of it. By the way, he’s almost 70 years old and has been doing this his entire life. -- READY TO FLEE IN TENNESSEE DEAR READY: How many decades have the two of you been married? If it’s less than one, rather than tolerate more of your husband’s verbal abuse, consult a lawyer. If, however, this has been happening for the entire duration of your marriage, I can’t help but wonder why it has taken you so long to write. Your husband obviously can control his behavior if he wishes.
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DEAR ABBY: I have a situation with this guy I’ve known for five years. We dated in the summer of sixth grade, but it wasn’t serious, and we broke up after a month. But we always kept in touch and had secret feelings for each other.
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DEARABBY: My wife and I are disgusted by something we (and our grandson) have never before encountered. Our ex-daughterin- law of 10 years recently told our 16-year-old grandson she kicked her latest boyfriend out because he would not have sex with her. Our grandson was very upset (as were we). Isn’t this considered some sort of abuse? Our grandson and his brother haven’t lived with their mother for the last five years because they were tired of her smoking, drinking and revolving door of boyfriends. They live happily with their father and have little to do with their mother. -- DISGUSTED IN COLORADO DEAR DISGUSTED: Your grandson is a teenager; he isn’t 8. That his mother would say what she did to him is surprising, but it wasn’t “abuse.” Could she have been tipsy when she said it? Fortunately, your grandson no longer lives under her roof and has a father with better judgment. Count your blessings and let this pass. ** DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend carries his keys and several metal accessories on a carabiner, which is always clipped to his belt loop. He lives in my home and is a frequent passenger in my car. I have noticed that his key clip and other items are damaging the paint on my car and door frames at the house as he exits and enters. I have asked him to please remove the clip or make another arrangement for his keys, and although he says he’s “working on the problem,” nothing changes. I’m ready to refuse entry to this key monster. Advice? DINGED IN OHIO DEAR DINGED: Only this. It seems that your irresponsible boyfriend lacks respect for other people’s property or he would have dealt with this promptly. Estimate the cost of refinishing your car and door frames, and then offer him the opportunity to settle up what he owes you, or tell him it’s time to move. ** DEAR ABBY: One of our co-workers doesn’t want to a closer friend even though at work we say we love each other. We want to take the friendship to a deeper level, but she hesitates when we try to hang out outside of work. She has a mansion that many people in our office have seen, but she hasn’t invited us over. She’ll only go to the movies with us. We are worried it is because, in a movie theater, we can’t talk to her. Are we getting mixed messages or coming on too strong? -- GIRLS AT WORK IN MICHIGAN DEAR GIRLS: You are coming on way too strong. There are work relationships and personal relationships. They are not always interchangeable. The woman may “love” working with you. But to assume that it’s OK to pressure her into inviting you to her home or to be grilled about her personal life is wrong. You may mean well, but you girls need to accept the relationship as it is.
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DEAR ABBY: I have fallen out with my best friend of 20 years, and I’m not sure how to proceed. A few years ago, she started a new job and became too busy for chats or to catch up. However, whenever we do manage to chat or catch up, she wades in with advice and suggestions about what I “need” to do to improve my situation. I’m recently separated from a marriage of 20 years, and I’m trying to keep things even for my two teenage children. I became increasingly frustrated by how inappropriate her suggestions were and eventually lost my temper. I told her to stop making suggestions as they weren’t helpful, and that she was too removed from my life. This was three months ago, and since then, she has ceased all contact and didn’t reply to my apology for losing my temper. She said no one has ever hurt her the way I hurt her. She has now emailed me asking to meet when she’s less busy, saying she’s still very hurt but she misses me. I miss her too, but at the same time, I don’t miss the stupid suggestions. She’s godmother to one of my children (she has had no contact with her since this happened, even missing her birthday). How should I handle this? I am very hurt at how she deserted me at a time when I needed people around me while going through a painful separation. -- DESERTED IN DUBLIN, IRELAND DEAR DESERTED: Emotions are raw and folks are rarely at their best when going through a divorce. At the same time, your friend appears to be stressed because of her work schedule. Since your separation, you are looking for more emotional support and contact than she is now able to give you. She, too, was hurt when you -- with no filter -- rejected her attempts to be helpful. You did the right thing to apologize. Be glad there is a thaw on the horizon because, with time, things may improve if you can tactfully communicate what you need and do not need from her. ** DEAR ABBY: We just moved back to Southern California and into a gated community. My neighbor’s property is higher than mine, and she has a spiky, thorny hedge that’s growing over into my property and staining the side of my house. I went over and introduced myself, wanting to discuss the issue. My neighbor’s reply was, “That’s YOUR hedge!” The next thing I know, she has a person trim it and throw all of the clippings into my backyard for me to clean up. How do I deal with a neighbor like this? -- THORNY RELATIONSHIP DEAR THORNY: Contact the homeowner’s association and describe what has been going on. Your neighbor may be violating the covenants, conditions and restrictions (CC&Rs). (There may be fines for this.) It is important that you establish where your property line ends and hers begins. If the plant really is on your land, you may have the right to remove it entirely.
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…And Then What Happened?
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