June 27 ^th is National Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Injury Awareness Day. It is a day dedicated to raising awareness around the signs, symptoms, and stigma, associated with PTSD. As a former Infantry Officer with two deployments to Afghanistan this issue is deeply personal to me. The U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) has reported that somewhere between 10-15 percent of Veterans have a clinical diagnosis for post-traumatic stress. That number is likely far greater. A recent survey suggests at over a quarter of our population believes PTSD is incurable and those who have it are dangerous and mentally unstable – it is for this reason that so many Veterans refuse to seek help. 22 Veterans will take their own life today, two thirds of them will have never stepped foot inside a VA facility – 15 Veterans will die today without ever asking for help.

The redeployment process was like an assembly line, 2,600 soldiers going from office to office getting their checklist signed off by each office (dental, vision, finance, etc.). The mental health station was no different, walk in, answer a few questions, get your sheet stamped and leave. It was June of 2006, I had returned a week earlier from a 16-month deployment to Afghanistan. I walked into the mental health office and without looking up a man asked, “what was the worst thing you experienced while you were deployed?” I proceeded to tell him, in detail, about the suicide bomber attack on my platoon that resulted in every member of the platoon being awarded the Purple Heart. He looked up at me and said “Lieutenant, that is the worst story I’ve heard all day.” He left me with one question “am I still me?” I said yes, partially because I thought it was true, but partially because if I knew if I said no it would mean an early end to my career. Over 30 soldiers would recount the same attack that day, 30 soldiers would answer “Yes, I’m good” and walk out of the office with their paper stamped “cleared MENTAL HEALTH” and start preparing for the next deployment.

Fast forward a few years, I left the military, used my GI bill to get a master’s degree, and had started a new career in management consulting. The guidance most people gave to Veterans starting civilian careers was to not talk about being a Veteran, so I did not. During a conversation with a colleague, I happened to mention my service because it was related to the topic at hand. My colleague stopped and said, “I didn’t know you were in the Military, you’re remarkably well adjusted.” Not exactly a compliment but also not far from the truth – from the outside I was a normal businessman, from the outside you could never tell that had it not been for an Afghan guard who grabbed the suicide bomber at the last minute I probably wouldn’t have seen my 26 ^th birthday, from the outside I was still me. On the inside, these memories are defining moments, “you can’t unsee a suicide bomber attack” or all the other memories associated with combat. Again, from the outside for the most part you can’t tell what another person has experienced but these memories tend to pop up at the unexpected times. A child’s nosebleed triggers a memory you’re not equipped to deal with as you comfort the child in the middle of the night. That’s PTSD. Its your past fighting with your present and no one on the outside can see that battle.