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Getting to Know That Misunderstood Middle Child

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Getting to Know That Misunderstood Middle Child

…And Then What Happened?
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Are you among the rebellious, misunderstood, angry— yet confident, independent, friendly, adaptive, easy-going, mediators who want fairness? Then you may be the middle child in your family, according to psychological studies.

Yesterday, on a YouTube site, I watched Focus on the Family with their guest speaker Kevin Leman, who wrote THE BIRTH ORDER BOOK. I’m sharing some of his findings on middle children, especially. I will share info from Google website, (where first-borns and last borns are described as well.) Middle children adore hand-me-downs, are peacekeepers, and enthusiastic people- persons. They want situations to stay calm and are good mediators. They have a sense of seeing more of the ‘complete picture.’ I knew this when I worked in the educational system, but I didn’t learn it from psychological studies. I would deal with difficult situations using these characteristics, yet it wasn’t always popular with my colleagues.

Once when an extremely challenging situation rose, I did my very best to keep it under control. When I was ‘called on the carpet’, I felt confident I’d be thanked for my actions.in calming things down. Instead, I was never so (loudly) admonished in all my life. But something beyond my control kept me peacefully calm. After the verbal lashing finally ceased, I smiled and said, ‘Really? I thought you wanted to see me to thank me.’ I don’t remember the rest of the conversation, but when I got home and thought about what just happened, I started praising God for keeping me from being crushed like a bug. I felt like I had passed that life test since not long after, I was transferred to a peaceful environment.

I had always learned of negative connotations of being caught in the middle when referring to being a middle child, blaming it for causing my shortcomings, my mistakes, etc., having the ‘poor little me’ syndrome. But I learn late in life of the positive attributes. I learn of reasons I acted in certain situations. I don’t believe it was just a gut feeling I had, but from God’s gentle nudges and giving me the backbone for standing up for what I thought was right.

Several years ago, I found old torn pieces of handwritten notes from a psychology class in high school. We were to write what traits we saw in all the other classmates and give to them. I carried mine home before opening them up to read. It shocked me. Because I was shy, feeling ugly, I shied away from the others most of the time. Some wrote I seemed better than them. Most said the same thing, though, that I would always stand up for what I thought was right. Some thought I was nice and friendly, too.

We can go through years not realizing how we affect people. If we knew, it would possibly change our lives so differently.

Middle children often feel overshadowed by those before and those coming after, so we try harder. Such are the experiences from famous ones who made discoveries or stirred up (for the best) social issues, to name a few: Those who excelled were (and still are) Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King, Jr., Susan B. Anthony, and Bill Gates. As for myself, I became the first-generation college student in my family. I wasn’t sure I could pass even one college class, but I pushed myself to try. Little did I know or would have even dreamed that I would earn my degrees and land a teaching job in my own hometown.

What I’d like to remind people is that if you give your Creator any credit at all for your life, and study His ways, all those negative feeling you have about yourself—no matter how psychological studies describe you, from your birth order or in other ways, if they are questionable to you, you might look into what God says about you, your purpose, and your possibilities.

From an old, old church bulletin clipping my mother kept, it helps remind us of the One who created the whole world…including us.

God’s Masterpiece Our God has many, many names—Creator, King of Kings, The Great Physician, Savior, Ruler of all Things.

But here is one not mentioned as often as the rest: Of all the world’s greatest artists, My Jesus is the best.

He planned the world’s first garden, Designed each perfect rose.

He put the artist’s touch on everything that grows.

We think a man is wonderful If he can paint a scene with snow upon the mountains or use shades of blue and green.

For the ocean’s mighty waves or some bright and sunlit glade, But all he does is copy what God has already made.

In every tiny snowflake that falls down from above.

In ever leaf and petal, the Artist shows His love.

His every work is perfect; each one would win a prize. But His greatest masterpiece he spread across the skies, Yellow, red and orange, purple, green, and blue—the rainbow does the best job of saying ‘I Love You!’ by Ruth Wasson So, whether first-born, middle child, or the baby of the family, we are unique and special, being created for a purpose to serve the Creator. I believe, if we see that reason for being here, we are more apt to make this a better place to live.

Norma Fry Gillespie
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Getting to Know That Misunderstood Middle Child